I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
