I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ketchup is God's man juice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
