it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
