There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
