Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
