Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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