So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
