No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
