Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
