before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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