Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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