Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
