You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
PANTIES FOUND
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
