We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
