i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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