He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
