Quick, to the slutcave!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
