There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
