she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
