how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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