You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
