you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
