At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
