Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
