And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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