so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
