Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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