At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
