Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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