He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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