After last night, I could never be a politician.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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