I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
