At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
