wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
