Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
