At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had to cum in my sink.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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