Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
