Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
