Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
