I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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