At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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