I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
