Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
