Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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