Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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