That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
