I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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