just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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