mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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