Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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