Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
