I just saw a hot homeless man
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
